Vallie PallieNot all those who wander are lost.

I took this data from Swivel.com. It was a survey done by Durex.

• The Turkish are the most unfaithful, followed by the Scandanavians: Dannish, Icelanders, and Norwegians. (I am currently dating a Norwegian, FYI) On the other hand, Jewish people are the most  faithful people.
• Apparently, the Japanese, Taiwanese, and Hong Kongnese are not very creative. They don’t seem to enjoy threesomes. However, the Australians, Kiwis, and South Africans are very experimental with threesomes. Maybe it has something to do with living very close to the South Pole.
• Americans, South Africans, and the Irish people are the most homo.I love gay people btw; I don’t mean to offend you guys.
• S&M seems to be the most uncommon sexual experience globally, but the Chinese and Americans top the stats in this category.
• Tantric sex is practiced by 75% of Hong Kongnese people. I never knew. It is also quite popular in China and Thailand. That makes sense. We’re mostly Buddhists.
• Many people in UK, USA, Australia, and New Zealand enjoy sex when they are blinded and strapped. The South-East Asians, again, are not so kinky in this arena.
• Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and USA are the biggest lubricant consumers. Vietnam, Poland, India, and China are not so big on lub. Maybe the size matters?
• Among developed and moderately developed countires, France, Bulgaria, Greece, Italy, Poland, Portugal, and Turkey lack vibrator sellers. On the other hand, vibrators are overly used in North America, Australia and UK.
• Only 17% of the population of China and 13% of the population of India experienced one-night-stands. That’s still a lot of people though. One-night-stands are universally popular. 7 out of 10 Norwegians have had one-night-stands. The stats for Sweden and New Zealand are both 64%.
• Before looking at these data, I did not know anal sex was so popular.It is most practiced in Bulgaria, Chile, Croatia, Finland, France, Italy, Norway, Sweden, and USA with 45% of the population or up. Only 1% of Taiwanese have endured the pain.
• Vietnam, Taiwan, Singapore, Japan, India, and Indonesia proved themselves the most sexually noobish countries. In the Europe, it’s Germany and Poland.

I got an internship at That’s Shanghai magazine, also the web publication Urbanatomy.com , the one that had the personal ads which I mocked. Really excited for this opportunity, hopefully I will be working on something fun.

Meanwhile, here are some real sexy quotes for your entertainment.

• Sex is more fun than cars, but cars refuel quicker than men. – Germaine Greer
• A girl’s legs are her best friends, but the best of friends must part. – Redd Fox
• Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex. – Hunter S. Thompson
• Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. – Robert A. Heinlein
• Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen
• Men want women they can turn on and off like a light switch. – Ian Fleming
• When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a main, it’s $3.95 a minute. – Steven Wright
• Older women are best because they think they might be doing it for the last time. – Ian Fleming
• Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. – George Burns
• Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken. – Unknown
• I think the reason guys like women in leather outfits so much is because they have that new-car smell. – George Fara
• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. – Robin Williams
• In love, men are amateurs, women the professionals. – Francois Truffaut.
• Love is just a system for getting someone to call you darling after sex. – Julian Barnes
• Without nipples, breasts would be pointless. – Jody Nathan
• Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital. – Aaron Levenstein
• Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it. – Lewis Grizzard
• A movie without sex would be like a candy bar without nuts. – Earl Wilson

Enjoy!

As one of the older girls in town and one of the very few who can speak Chinese the right way, I often get really random calls that go like this:

“Um, how do you say morning after pills in Chinese?”

“Jin ji bi yun yao.”

“Uhhh, can you just talk to the pharmacist for me?”

“Sure…”

I get that a lot.

The very peculiar thing about China is that getting rid of a baby is pretty darn easy, and inevitably, Plan B pills become OTC drugs here. Moreover, they’re super cheap, for 22 kuai you get 4 pills which is for 2 times use. Is that a good thing? Yes. And no.

The good thing is that you most likely won’t get pregnant. The bad thing, well, your insecurity might induce you to overdose. According to Feminist Women’s Health Center, the side effects of Plan B are nausea, vomiting, headaches, breast tenderness, dizziness, fluid retention, and irregular bleeding. Frankly, it’s not that scary, not everyone gets them. However, what you definitely will get is that your whole period cycle will be a mess. Plan B pills contain a large dosage is hormones. You don’t need that much hormones, do you? A few days after you take the pill, your period will start, even if you just finished your period not long ago. Many people will experience cramps, really bad ones, and some people won’t, not because they’re lucky, just because of their timing. If you take Plan B once and didn’t experience any pain, it doesn’t mean you won’t get it next time. Still, the sure thing is that you will be forcing your period to come, and for that matter, I suggest you take it with measures. Having irregular periods might not do any damage to your reproductive system but it’s certainly bad for your health in general. Here are some rules of thumb:

• Don’t take morning after pills just to be safe. Your health is important too.
• If you’re unsure the guy came or not, just ask, don’t be shy. Don’t end up taking the pill for nothing.

Guys, if you’re reading this, never force your girlfriend to take the pill because you know nothing about women’s body! Girls, take them wisely, I despise people who abuse these pills!

For this purpose, I spent a lot of time creating this “Morning After Diagnosis Chart.” Hopefully this will be helpful for you.

If you have sex actively, you might also want to consider the regular birth control pill. Mary takes them. If you have small boobs, these pills will help you grow them larger. Sweet deal right? However, these pills kind of mess up your mood and love interest. You start looking for guys who resemble you dad, FYI.

I will be updating more about this topic in a couple days. Catch you later.

Growing up, you can never imagine your parents having sex together. You don’t think they do it anymore, yet as you hit puberty and come to understand that sex is just what couples do, you think: well, maybe they do. Of course, just without you noticing,

A friend once said to me that he heard his parents have sex once, just once, and that was probably the worst nightmare coming true.

Okay, I didn’t catch my parents having sex, FYI, it’s not the topic of this entry. My point is, knowing your parents have sex is kinda disturbing, but hearing them ACTUALLY doing the deed probably gives you…I dunno…goosebumps?

Here is what happened to me yesterday.

My ayi left at 7.30. Erik was at my house. Earlier I called my mom, and she doesn’t seem to be coming home anytime soon, so as I thought. We got down and busy pretty quickly. We were both enjoying ourselves, and as I got louder, and louder, and louder, and LOUDER…

knock, knock, knock

silence

“Where are those files your dad wanted you to find?” – It’s my mom.

silence

“Um, they’re on the coffee table.”

*Whisper*: get dressed.

It took a long time for us to get out of the room. We went to the living room to watch TV. However, it took even longer for my mom to face us. She stumbled in and out of her room but never entered the living room, for about more than twenty minutes. I can’t imagine how awkward it would be for her. At the same time, I was so scared. Knowing it is one thing, but hearing it, well, that’s another.Later when Erik left, my mom came into my room, in a few brief sentences, she said:

you guys need to use a condom. Oh, and don’t do it often.

And then she left.

I recently found this really interesting web app. I really like it and I even donated some money to support them.

It’s a website called Bedpost. If you know about this already, don’t laugh at me! If you don’t, then start one, I mean, if it’s necessary. As to you Mary, I think you should use it.

Okay, I’ve been holding off what this thing is about. So you get a calendar that keeps track of your sex life. Everytime you do the deed, you go in there, record it (time, duration, blah blah) and add some descriptive tags. It gives you detailed report charts and how much you get busy. I think it’s helpful, correct me if I’m wrong. However, it will be kinda sad when you turn single that one day, and you calendar goes BLANK BLANK…

Go check it out if you wish!

www.bedposted.com

I was bored on the subway, so I read the personal ads section on That’s Shanghai. I ended up amusing myself a great deal.

(WLTM = Would Like To Meet; SOH = Sense of Humor)

Here are some of my favorites:

• HK gentlemen, 71, jazz pianist&businessman, urbane&charming, WLTM slim, smooth, assertive F, 25-55(?), with discreet knowledge of bracelets/leather. Hourly rates assured.
  Crackdown: urbane: that was my 10th grade vocab word; Smooth: clean-shaved, considering he won’t have much hair, it’s probably a good idea the woman doesn’t have much either; assertive: speak up and make louder noises, the old man can’t hear that well; 25? maybe it’s not news that men fantasize about their granddaughters; discreet knowledge of bracelets/leather: took me a long time to figure this one out, *leather straps, bondage, S&M*, good for him, just don’t have a heart attack like Mr. Van de Kamp.
• Fit, healthy, h’some, Swiss male, 32, clean-shaven, gym body, seeks rich, clever, bored housewives, 37-57, for genuine sex&fun. Can travel to Pudong upon request.
  Someone watched too much Desperate Housewives. This is the only “Man Seeking Women” who seeks older women. I like your style.
• Do you want children? So do I! Dying for it! Not immediately of course! Are you male, good-looking, 31-39? Reply to me: mid-40s, good-looking, work in education, into films & music, laughter, cafes. I won’t bite you!
  I really like the first part. Notice for the male qualifications, you only have to be good-looking. Clearly she just wants beautiful babies, but who doesn’t? I DO!
• Mixed Asian girl, 23 yr-old, 169cm, 54kg, 36C-25-36; Silky bronze skin, ocean-gray eyes, long  jet-black hair; Beautiful, sensationally erotic, elegant, discreet; Fluent in English, Mandarin, Genuine photos can be sent upon requests – please bear in mind that inquiries without contact number and hotel reservation (or high-end residence info) won’t be replied. Rates: 1hr30mins: 2000rmb full service, every extra hour:1000rmb.
  Isn’t she quite expensive for Shanghai standards? “Ocean-gray” and “jet-black”, damn, she’s pretty good at imageries too! (Although I don’t understand why jets are black? Someone please explain to me.
  
  I am still very perplexed about one thing. For the first three ads, they didnt’ leave their contact info, so how in the world do you find them?

How I really hate Sundays.

It’s really the most lamentable day of the week. It’s homework day, yet I never find the motivation to do any work till the sun goes down. In today’s case, there was no sun at all. Why is it called a “SUN”day anyways?

9 out 10 times I struggled with my relationship were during Sundays. Eventually I admit I do have Sulky Sunday Syndromes (SSS). I still remember when I was in elementary school, I cried every Sunday night because I didn’t want to go to school on Monday. To me, Sunday marks the end of the week. At least on my calendar, the week starts with Monday. It’s the Chinese way that I go by, Monday is   “Xin Qi Yi”, meaning it’s the first day of the week.

It’s 9:18 pm now. Soon another week will come.  I’ll get back to studying.

So, as I was talking about it at lunch today, you can actually recreate the taste of cum, and the texture too!
I suggested to my boyfriend that he should try it sometime, just to swap places with me so he would truly understand how it feels and tastes, though he has yet to comply.
Here’s the recipe:
You need:
1. Base: 1/2 cup of plain yogurt or Tapioca pudding (preferably no sugar or vanilla taste)
2. 1/4 tablespoon of salt
3. 1/4 of an Aspirin pill (crushed)
4. Lightly beaten egg white (optional)
Mix them all together!

P.S, the formula was originally created for women to practice swallowing

You can read more from this site. It proved pretty informational to me.

“Don’t Spit, Swallow Cum”